THE TOO FAT POLKA
Back in 1947, Arthur Godfrey had a hit record called the "Too Fat Polka". It had lyrics such
as, "I don't want her, you can have her, she's too fat for me...". The record had a good
hand-clapping beat, and sold 3 1/2 million copies. Arthur could never understand why it
was a hit, he would have preferred to have made a record with a slightly deeper
sentiment, but, that's the way the record business goes!
Perhaps the record was a hit because it reflected what many men feel. In some of my
profiles on AOL, when the question was asked, "What are your dislikes?" I put down,
(among a few other things) "overweight women". Now, I don't really "hate" or "dislike"
overweight women, I'm just not attracted to most of them. In one survey that I read, 90
percent of men don't like women who are overweight, and 10 percent do. Anyway, an
overweight woman who saw one of my profiles on AOL was not amused at all by my
position. She wrote back and told me so. And, a rather lively debate followed! Most
debates on anything tend not to be truly "logical". Most debates don't end up with both
parties in full agreement. Two parties rave and rant about their own positions, with neither
party listening much to each other. This debate is certainly no exception!! But, some good
points were brought out by both sides, and it's on a fairly intellectual level. And so, I'm
reprinting this for your entertainment only. If you've ever had a problem of being
overweight yourself, you might have some strong feelings about it, and you'll enjoy the
interchange! I'm reprinting it exactly as the debate went, only changing some names to
protect the overly endowed!
My Position: "If overweight women want a social life, they should lose weight."
Big Bertha's position: "Big can be beautiful. Don't limit yourself."
BigBertha:
I am very smart, honest and don't have any tattoos. I am also a fat woman. So why don"t
you like me? You have never even met me. Is there a word to describe people who don't
like others whom they have never met?
Myself:
Ok, ya got me. True, I did say that I hated fat women, but, I plan to redo my profile! Yep,
I'm sure there's names for people like me!!
I'm glad you're smart. Since I'm in Mensa, I happen to like smart women! That's a very
dogmatic statement that I made, but the profiles don't allow for much elaboration. It might
be more accurate for me to say that I don't find grossly overweight women physically
attractive, but, there's a lot of variables as to where the fat is on a woman, and how fat
she is. Many of us men put high priority on a woman's physical appearance when it comes
to looking for women. I'm not saying it's right or fair, I'm just saying that's the way it is. And
so if your social life is lacking, your best bet is to work around the situation, i.e., tone up
the ol' bod. But, anyway, thanks for your letter, and feel free to write back and banter with
me about it!
BigBertha:
I used to be a member of Mensa a few of years ago.
Sorry for the rather snotty E-mail I sent you. I get disturbed when I see blatant examples of
anti-fat prejudice in print. If a person stated in his/her profile that he hated black people or
handicapped people what do you think the response would be. It seems like fat people are
the last acceptable target for outright hatred and discrimination. Those who argue that fat
people merely need to diet and exercise more to be "normal" are being very naive.
Everyone knows that fat is considered to be unhealthy as well as ugly so there is plenty of
motivation out there for people to lose weight. Diet schemes and exercise machines are a
billion dollar a year industry. At the same time people have been shown be be eating less
and eating less fatty foods. Along with this the rate of obesity is increasing year by year.
My opinion is that the world would be a lot better off if people (women in particular) would
quit worrying about losing weight, bless the body they were given and work on more
serious problems.
Of course any person, male or female has a right to have and opinion on what body type
they find aesthetically pleasing . Any person may choose to date or not to date anyone
else based on any criteria they care to use. I just think that it is very limiting to dismiss and
entire category of humanity based on one physical characteristic. No man will ever be
required to have a physical relationship with a fat woman. (Unless, perhaps he is married
to her) It is still possible to "like" someone without a physical relationhip. I am also
convinced that although a person may initially be turned off by someone's physical
characteristics, if they are open-minded they may come to desire a relationship with this
person if they learn to appreciate them in other ways.
Myself:
I'm certainly not denying that a heavy person has many other aspects of their personality
that make for a good long lasting relationship. And, I'm not denying that a person who
judges just by the cover may be a self-centered, bigoted, limiting, fool from a logical
standpoint. Except people aren't creatures of logic. People are creatures of emotion.
Packaging sells.
Let me use an analogy. Supposed you go to a used car lot to buy a car so that you can
get to work. Your number one priority in choosing a car is to get one with a good motor
that's gonna run for a long time. Right?? You want to know the condition of what's under
the hood. But, as any car salesman can tell you, if a car has a lousy paint job, has some
dents, and looks as though the previous owner didn't care about it, most customers aren't
even going to bother to look under the hood, no matter how great the motor is. That car
won't sell. That may not be logical, but, that's the way it is. Packaging sells. You'll never
be able to convince the rest of the world differently. So, the solution? Spiff up your
package! Unless you were born looking like Quasimoto or the hunchback of Notre Dame,
almost anyone can look attractive to the opposite sex if they work at it, and that includes
toning up the body to fit the so called "narrow-minded paradigms" that the opposite sex
apparently incorporates in it's gene makeup!
By the way, a couple of years ago my doctor said my blood pressure was a bit on the high
side, so, I have to take medication for it. I said, "What's the deal, doc, do I gotta take these
pills for the rest of my life??" He said "Maybe not, if you exercise and diet". So, I took
"walks", and watched my diet, and lost 25 pounds over the next 3 months. I got a lot of
compliments from people on how much better I looked. And, granted, I know from
experience that losing weight is not easy. There REALLY has to be motivation for a
person to do it. But, it can be done. I'm assuming from your letters that you're not in the
shape that you'd like to be, since you've seemed a bit defensive about the subject matter!
Big Bertha:
I don't really buy your analogy comparing choosing a friend (partner, mate?) and choosing
a car. There is a lot more to a human being than there is to an automobile! Surely you
don"t mean to imply that a human being is simply and object to be selected on the basis of
whether or not it has a few dents or rust holes. Unfortunately many men objectify women
in just this way and are ignorant of what they are doing. Do you select your male friends
on the basis of the perfection of their appearance? Again, we all have the right to select
friends and/or partners based on any criteria. In my opinion, anyone who would eliminate
a person from consideration because of one characteristic, be it body size, skin color,
handicapped status or anything else is limiting only himself.
I am glad for you that you found it relatively easy to lose 25 pounds when directed to do
so by your physician. Unfortunately most people who are heavy are not able to do this
very easily and this especially applies to women because of their different hormonal
makeup. Often a woman will lose and regain the same 25 pounds over and over again
despite strenuous exercise regimes and restrictive diets. Unfortunately when the weight is
regained, another 5 to 10 pounds will be gained with it. The constant gaining and losing of
weight may be relatively harmless from a physical standpoint, but causes emotional
distress. Most women are obsessed with their weight. Often they find it relatively easy to
control their weight when they are young, but increasingly difficult as they age. Their
self-esteem suffers greatly as they gradually gain more weight. It doesn't seem to me that
men suffer in this way (as much) . Men are prompted to lose weight more because of
health reasons but don't really seem to suffer much in the self-esteem department if they
gain weight as they get older. Women's self esteem seems to be much more connected to
their physical appearance than is men's.
Personally, I am not at all dissatisfied with my body size . I am one of a very small minority
of women in this country who is not obsessed with weight. I realize that there are many
men who might find my body unattractive in some way, but I also realize that most women
feel unattractive most of the time regardless of their actual shape and size. I also realize
that at my age (45) , not too many women look like 20 year old beauty queens and I am no
exception. I exercise regularly, eat moderately and have an extremely healthy body. I have
not been treated by a physician for an illness in my entire life! Although many people
would call me fat, the following are words that I would use to describe myself: large,
strong, powerful and heavy. I do not feel at all defensive about my weight or size . If other
people have a problem with my size, it is their problem not mine.
I agree with you that people(both men and women) are impressed by packaging. I feel that
this is unfortunate and may be a special characteristic of our culture. We are constantly
presented with images of beautiful people and are expected to strive toward a standard
which can never be reached by anyone. So much energy is wasted in this direction that
sometimes it almost seems like a conspiracy to keep women "in their place". Keep them
occupied with trying to look beautiful and they won't bother you in other ways.
Myself:
To hold a debate that is meaningful, It sometimes helps to agree on definitions and
context, also to check facts relating to the situation. Once this is done, half of the problem
is resolved! I'm assuming that you're overweight, and, I think you're not entirely
comfortable with it, because if you were, the perceived "Don hates all fat people"
inference would not have bothered you in the least. Another statement that I could make is
that "I hate all stupid people", but I know that you wouldn't take umbrage at that at all,
because you're not in that catagory. (actually, I don't hate stupid people, it would be more
accurate to say that I don't like people who do stupid things as a result of false pride, but,
that's another argument) Now, as to the facts. I don't really know what you look like, extra
pounds look different on different people. For example, by height and weight charts, It
might be proven that Dolly Parton is overweight. However, in her case I don't care,
because the distribution of her fat are in places that I don't mind! Also, female
bodybuilders (the type on American Gladiators) could be technically overweight, but I don't
mind that either! (actually, I go nuts for females with muscular definition, but that's another
argument also) I don't know if you have your picture posted somewhere on AOL, or if you
have the equipment to zap me a .jpg or .gif of yourself, but I'd love to see what you look
like, then I could give you a much more honest opinion of how you strike me!
Another thought. If you're healthy, happy, and your social life is thriving, then it makes no
difference whether or not you're overweight. My opinion would mean nothing, and I would
have no problem with that. BUT, I suspect your social life isn't exactly what it's supposed
to be, and that's why you're defensive about your weight.
Now, of course, I literally don't "hate" fat women. That's a crude dogmatic statement by
itself. But, let me put it into context. I'm a single guy. I have (like anybody else) a
framework in my mind of the kind of female that I'd like to meet for a serious relationship of
some kind. She should be smart, attractive, my religion, be nuts for guys like me, and
single! When I go to, say, a singles party, and I walk into a room, let's say there's about 25
women there, I scan the room and make a quick visual judgement. In about 15 seconds
time, I'll see 3 out of the 25 that I really want to talk to and find out more about. The rest
pretty much turn invisible to my eyes. (fair or not, most male animals operate this way) For
example, in scanning the women, if I see one that looks about 75 years old, I automatically
eliminate her from contention. (granted, she may have a great lookin' daughter or grand
daughter my age, but I'm not in a mood for scavenger hunt) If I see a women who doesn't
bother about her appearance, I make an assumption that she's probably not too bright or
interesting. Now, I've certainly been wrong many times in making judgements like that, but,
in the interest of time, it's the best way I know how to make connections. A person who is
overweight frequently is perceived as an older person, or a dumber person, or a sloppier
person, or a person who doesn't care about appearance. Now I know I may be wrong on
all counts, and in our society stereotyping is a no-no, and in some cases illegal. Except,
it's there. We all stereotype. Nobody admits it, but we all do. My point is, you can't change
the attitude of the world. BUT, you can change yourself to fit a good stereotype and be
extremely successful!
Before I get too long winded (actually, it's too late for that) let me leave off with one more
story. I have a Mensa cyberfriend that I met online who is about 80 pounds overweight.
She's 46 years old, and although she used to be slim and beautiful, she currently has an
older, matronly image because of her weight. She'd like to date me, but she also knows
my opinion on the "weight" thing. She read your last reply, and here's HER response to
your letter:
Heap Of Hertha:
I can't argue with her logic. She's right on with most of her comments. I think she's missing
the point about your problem with fat people. I don't think you dislike fat people, you just
don't find them aesthetically pleasing, and don't find them sexually attractive. I guess we
all have that problem about something or another. For my part, I don't find men who are
much shorter than me sexually attractive. I wouldn't feel comfortable dating them, because
I'd feel self-conscious about being seen with a short man as a date. This parallels some of
the same feelings you have towards chubby women. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't be
interested in a friendship with a short man - even a midget! We may have much in
common and enjoy visting, talking, sharing and companionship. Although my interest
wouldn't initially be romantic, that doesn't mean that I could NEVER fall in love with a short
man. However, since I don't initially see them as potential partners, and would not be likely
to date one, the chances of me developing a romantic interest would be very slim. So, the
same could apply to a lot of physical differences in people that don't diminish their worth
as a person. For example, people tend to date within their own race. Some white women,
for example, would never consider dating a black man. Some asian men would never date
a white woman. Others would. So it gets back to personal preference, personal likes and
dislikes, a purely subjective selection - not a judgement on the worth of the person in
question.
Now, consider this possibility. You meet a woman who you don't initially find attractive
sexually, but you like her as a friend. The friendship develops, you become accustomed to
spending time with her, with sharing your joys and sorrows. As time goes by, you realize
how much a part of your life she has become and that your friendship has developed into
a deep and true love. You appreciate the difference she has made in your life, and the
way her loving acceptance of you and your faults has given you the incentive to accept
her the way she is.
Is that so far-fetched a scenario? And couldn't it be used in any situation where the person
isn't initially attracted physically? For example, short people, ugly people, fat people and
other ethnic types?
I know your answer to that argument, that a fat person is that way because they don't take
pride in themselves, they don't take good care of their bodies. But, as this "fat" lady said,
she exercises, eats right and is healthy. I'm also healthy, attractive, clean and
well-groomed. All the logic in the world won't change your personal likes and dislikes - but
for heaven's sakes, open your mind to the alternatives!!
This "devil's advocate" position doesn't mean that I'm going to abandon my quest for a
leaner, healthier body!! Unlike the aforementioned fat lady, although I have yet to suffer
health problems from my weight, I know that statistically it is only a matter of time before
the extra weight becomes a health problem. And, as you have so often reminded me, men
are more likely to be attracted to a trim person than a fat one. The day is soon coming
when I'll be "in the market" again, and want to present as attractive of a package as I can!!
To continue on this fascinating discussion, click on this line!
Back in 1947, Arthur Godfrey had a hit record called the "Too Fat Polka". It had lyrics such
as, "I don't want her, you can have her, she's too fat for me...". The record had a good
hand-clapping beat, and sold 3 1/2 million copies. Arthur could never understand why it
was a hit, he would have preferred to have made a record with a slightly deeper
sentiment, but, that's the way the record business goes!
Perhaps the record was a hit because it reflected what many men feel. In some of my
profiles on AOL, when the question was asked, "What are your dislikes?" I put down,
(among a few other things) "overweight women". Now, I don't really "hate" or "dislike"
overweight women, I'm just not attracted to most of them. In one survey that I read, 90
percent of men don't like women who are overweight, and 10 percent do. Anyway, an
overweight woman who saw one of my profiles on AOL was not amused at all by my
position. She wrote back and told me so. And, a rather lively debate followed! Most
debates on anything tend not to be truly "logical". Most debates don't end up with both
parties in full agreement. Two parties rave and rant about their own positions, with neither
party listening much to each other. This debate is certainly no exception!! But, some good
points were brought out by both sides, and it's on a fairly intellectual level. And so, I'm
reprinting this for your entertainment only. If you've ever had a problem of being
overweight yourself, you might have some strong feelings about it, and you'll enjoy the
interchange! I'm reprinting it exactly as the debate went, only changing some names to
protect the overly endowed!
My Position: "If overweight women want a social life, they should lose weight."
Big Bertha's position: "Big can be beautiful. Don't limit yourself."
BigBertha:
I am very smart, honest and don't have any tattoos. I am also a fat woman. So why don"t
you like me? You have never even met me. Is there a word to describe people who don't
like others whom they have never met?
Myself:
Ok, ya got me. True, I did say that I hated fat women, but, I plan to redo my profile! Yep,
I'm sure there's names for people like me!!
I'm glad you're smart. Since I'm in Mensa, I happen to like smart women! That's a very
dogmatic statement that I made, but the profiles don't allow for much elaboration. It might
be more accurate for me to say that I don't find grossly overweight women physically
attractive, but, there's a lot of variables as to where the fat is on a woman, and how fat
she is. Many of us men put high priority on a woman's physical appearance when it comes
to looking for women. I'm not saying it's right or fair, I'm just saying that's the way it is. And
so if your social life is lacking, your best bet is to work around the situation, i.e., tone up
the ol' bod. But, anyway, thanks for your letter, and feel free to write back and banter with
me about it!
BigBertha:
I used to be a member of Mensa a few of years ago.
Sorry for the rather snotty E-mail I sent you. I get disturbed when I see blatant examples of
anti-fat prejudice in print. If a person stated in his/her profile that he hated black people or
handicapped people what do you think the response would be. It seems like fat people are
the last acceptable target for outright hatred and discrimination. Those who argue that fat
people merely need to diet and exercise more to be "normal" are being very naive.
Everyone knows that fat is considered to be unhealthy as well as ugly so there is plenty of
motivation out there for people to lose weight. Diet schemes and exercise machines are a
billion dollar a year industry. At the same time people have been shown be be eating less
and eating less fatty foods. Along with this the rate of obesity is increasing year by year.
My opinion is that the world would be a lot better off if people (women in particular) would
quit worrying about losing weight, bless the body they were given and work on more
serious problems.
Of course any person, male or female has a right to have and opinion on what body type
they find aesthetically pleasing . Any person may choose to date or not to date anyone
else based on any criteria they care to use. I just think that it is very limiting to dismiss and
entire category of humanity based on one physical characteristic. No man will ever be
required to have a physical relationship with a fat woman. (Unless, perhaps he is married
to her) It is still possible to "like" someone without a physical relationhip. I am also
convinced that although a person may initially be turned off by someone's physical
characteristics, if they are open-minded they may come to desire a relationship with this
person if they learn to appreciate them in other ways.
Myself:
I'm certainly not denying that a heavy person has many other aspects of their personality
that make for a good long lasting relationship. And, I'm not denying that a person who
judges just by the cover may be a self-centered, bigoted, limiting, fool from a logical
standpoint. Except people aren't creatures of logic. People are creatures of emotion.
Packaging sells.
Let me use an analogy. Supposed you go to a used car lot to buy a car so that you can
get to work. Your number one priority in choosing a car is to get one with a good motor
that's gonna run for a long time. Right?? You want to know the condition of what's under
the hood. But, as any car salesman can tell you, if a car has a lousy paint job, has some
dents, and looks as though the previous owner didn't care about it, most customers aren't
even going to bother to look under the hood, no matter how great the motor is. That car
won't sell. That may not be logical, but, that's the way it is. Packaging sells. You'll never
be able to convince the rest of the world differently. So, the solution? Spiff up your
package! Unless you were born looking like Quasimoto or the hunchback of Notre Dame,
almost anyone can look attractive to the opposite sex if they work at it, and that includes
toning up the body to fit the so called "narrow-minded paradigms" that the opposite sex
apparently incorporates in it's gene makeup!
By the way, a couple of years ago my doctor said my blood pressure was a bit on the high
side, so, I have to take medication for it. I said, "What's the deal, doc, do I gotta take these
pills for the rest of my life??" He said "Maybe not, if you exercise and diet". So, I took
"walks", and watched my diet, and lost 25 pounds over the next 3 months. I got a lot of
compliments from people on how much better I looked. And, granted, I know from
experience that losing weight is not easy. There REALLY has to be motivation for a
person to do it. But, it can be done. I'm assuming from your letters that you're not in the
shape that you'd like to be, since you've seemed a bit defensive about the subject matter!
Big Bertha:
I don't really buy your analogy comparing choosing a friend (partner, mate?) and choosing
a car. There is a lot more to a human being than there is to an automobile! Surely you
don"t mean to imply that a human being is simply and object to be selected on the basis of
whether or not it has a few dents or rust holes. Unfortunately many men objectify women
in just this way and are ignorant of what they are doing. Do you select your male friends
on the basis of the perfection of their appearance? Again, we all have the right to select
friends and/or partners based on any criteria. In my opinion, anyone who would eliminate
a person from consideration because of one characteristic, be it body size, skin color,
handicapped status or anything else is limiting only himself.
I am glad for you that you found it relatively easy to lose 25 pounds when directed to do
so by your physician. Unfortunately most people who are heavy are not able to do this
very easily and this especially applies to women because of their different hormonal
makeup. Often a woman will lose and regain the same 25 pounds over and over again
despite strenuous exercise regimes and restrictive diets. Unfortunately when the weight is
regained, another 5 to 10 pounds will be gained with it. The constant gaining and losing of
weight may be relatively harmless from a physical standpoint, but causes emotional
distress. Most women are obsessed with their weight. Often they find it relatively easy to
control their weight when they are young, but increasingly difficult as they age. Their
self-esteem suffers greatly as they gradually gain more weight. It doesn't seem to me that
men suffer in this way (as much) . Men are prompted to lose weight more because of
health reasons but don't really seem to suffer much in the self-esteem department if they
gain weight as they get older. Women's self esteem seems to be much more connected to
their physical appearance than is men's.
Personally, I am not at all dissatisfied with my body size . I am one of a very small minority
of women in this country who is not obsessed with weight. I realize that there are many
men who might find my body unattractive in some way, but I also realize that most women
feel unattractive most of the time regardless of their actual shape and size. I also realize
that at my age (45) , not too many women look like 20 year old beauty queens and I am no
exception. I exercise regularly, eat moderately and have an extremely healthy body. I have
not been treated by a physician for an illness in my entire life! Although many people
would call me fat, the following are words that I would use to describe myself: large,
strong, powerful and heavy. I do not feel at all defensive about my weight or size . If other
people have a problem with my size, it is their problem not mine.
I agree with you that people(both men and women) are impressed by packaging. I feel that
this is unfortunate and may be a special characteristic of our culture. We are constantly
presented with images of beautiful people and are expected to strive toward a standard
which can never be reached by anyone. So much energy is wasted in this direction that
sometimes it almost seems like a conspiracy to keep women "in their place". Keep them
occupied with trying to look beautiful and they won't bother you in other ways.
Myself:
To hold a debate that is meaningful, It sometimes helps to agree on definitions and
context, also to check facts relating to the situation. Once this is done, half of the problem
is resolved! I'm assuming that you're overweight, and, I think you're not entirely
comfortable with it, because if you were, the perceived "Don hates all fat people"
inference would not have bothered you in the least. Another statement that I could make is
that "I hate all stupid people", but I know that you wouldn't take umbrage at that at all,
because you're not in that catagory. (actually, I don't hate stupid people, it would be more
accurate to say that I don't like people who do stupid things as a result of false pride, but,
that's another argument) Now, as to the facts. I don't really know what you look like, extra
pounds look different on different people. For example, by height and weight charts, It
might be proven that Dolly Parton is overweight. However, in her case I don't care,
because the distribution of her fat are in places that I don't mind! Also, female
bodybuilders (the type on American Gladiators) could be technically overweight, but I don't
mind that either! (actually, I go nuts for females with muscular definition, but that's another
argument also) I don't know if you have your picture posted somewhere on AOL, or if you
have the equipment to zap me a .jpg or .gif of yourself, but I'd love to see what you look
like, then I could give you a much more honest opinion of how you strike me!
Another thought. If you're healthy, happy, and your social life is thriving, then it makes no
difference whether or not you're overweight. My opinion would mean nothing, and I would
have no problem with that. BUT, I suspect your social life isn't exactly what it's supposed
to be, and that's why you're defensive about your weight.
Now, of course, I literally don't "hate" fat women. That's a crude dogmatic statement by
itself. But, let me put it into context. I'm a single guy. I have (like anybody else) a
framework in my mind of the kind of female that I'd like to meet for a serious relationship of
some kind. She should be smart, attractive, my religion, be nuts for guys like me, and
single! When I go to, say, a singles party, and I walk into a room, let's say there's about 25
women there, I scan the room and make a quick visual judgement. In about 15 seconds
time, I'll see 3 out of the 25 that I really want to talk to and find out more about. The rest
pretty much turn invisible to my eyes. (fair or not, most male animals operate this way) For
example, in scanning the women, if I see one that looks about 75 years old, I automatically
eliminate her from contention. (granted, she may have a great lookin' daughter or grand
daughter my age, but I'm not in a mood for scavenger hunt) If I see a women who doesn't
bother about her appearance, I make an assumption that she's probably not too bright or
interesting. Now, I've certainly been wrong many times in making judgements like that, but,
in the interest of time, it's the best way I know how to make connections. A person who is
overweight frequently is perceived as an older person, or a dumber person, or a sloppier
person, or a person who doesn't care about appearance. Now I know I may be wrong on
all counts, and in our society stereotyping is a no-no, and in some cases illegal. Except,
it's there. We all stereotype. Nobody admits it, but we all do. My point is, you can't change
the attitude of the world. BUT, you can change yourself to fit a good stereotype and be
extremely successful!
Before I get too long winded (actually, it's too late for that) let me leave off with one more
story. I have a Mensa cyberfriend that I met online who is about 80 pounds overweight.
She's 46 years old, and although she used to be slim and beautiful, she currently has an
older, matronly image because of her weight. She'd like to date me, but she also knows
my opinion on the "weight" thing. She read your last reply, and here's HER response to
your letter:
Heap Of Hertha:
I can't argue with her logic. She's right on with most of her comments. I think she's missing
the point about your problem with fat people. I don't think you dislike fat people, you just
don't find them aesthetically pleasing, and don't find them sexually attractive. I guess we
all have that problem about something or another. For my part, I don't find men who are
much shorter than me sexually attractive. I wouldn't feel comfortable dating them, because
I'd feel self-conscious about being seen with a short man as a date. This parallels some of
the same feelings you have towards chubby women. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't be
interested in a friendship with a short man - even a midget! We may have much in
common and enjoy visting, talking, sharing and companionship. Although my interest
wouldn't initially be romantic, that doesn't mean that I could NEVER fall in love with a short
man. However, since I don't initially see them as potential partners, and would not be likely
to date one, the chances of me developing a romantic interest would be very slim. So, the
same could apply to a lot of physical differences in people that don't diminish their worth
as a person. For example, people tend to date within their own race. Some white women,
for example, would never consider dating a black man. Some asian men would never date
a white woman. Others would. So it gets back to personal preference, personal likes and
dislikes, a purely subjective selection - not a judgement on the worth of the person in
question.
Now, consider this possibility. You meet a woman who you don't initially find attractive
sexually, but you like her as a friend. The friendship develops, you become accustomed to
spending time with her, with sharing your joys and sorrows. As time goes by, you realize
how much a part of your life she has become and that your friendship has developed into
a deep and true love. You appreciate the difference she has made in your life, and the
way her loving acceptance of you and your faults has given you the incentive to accept
her the way she is.
Is that so far-fetched a scenario? And couldn't it be used in any situation where the person
isn't initially attracted physically? For example, short people, ugly people, fat people and
other ethnic types?
I know your answer to that argument, that a fat person is that way because they don't take
pride in themselves, they don't take good care of their bodies. But, as this "fat" lady said,
she exercises, eats right and is healthy. I'm also healthy, attractive, clean and
well-groomed. All the logic in the world won't change your personal likes and dislikes - but
for heaven's sakes, open your mind to the alternatives!!
This "devil's advocate" position doesn't mean that I'm going to abandon my quest for a
leaner, healthier body!! Unlike the aforementioned fat lady, although I have yet to suffer
health problems from my weight, I know that statistically it is only a matter of time before
the extra weight becomes a health problem. And, as you have so often reminded me, men
are more likely to be attracted to a trim person than a fat one. The day is soon coming
when I'll be "in the market" again, and want to present as attractive of a package as I can!!
To continue on this fascinating discussion, click on this line!
| THE TOO FAT POLKA |
