(this particular column was printed in the national book, "The Best Of Mensa Newsletters")
As anybody in Mensa knows, there is a thin line between genius and stupidity.
And believe you me, I've been a living example of that many times! Yes, it's
even possible to go from one to the other in a matter of minutes. Let's see how
this principle applied to myself recently. One Saturday, (the first of October, as
a matter of fact) I was standing in my livingroom in deep thought, or should I
say, in a trance state that one tends to go into when trying to decide what to do
next. I looked out of my South window. I see this fat, stray cat sitting there. On
my water sprinkler. (the sprinkler was this round, green plastic thing, I guess
with the sun out, it was warmer sitting on the sprinkler than the grass) Then my
questioning, Mensa-type mind went into action, and I thought, gosh, what would
happen if I turned on the water?? I did. Yes, it IS possible for a cat to fly, if it
really wants to! Would you call this an astute scientific observation? Would you
call this a sadistic act of a man who has too much time on his hands? Would
you suggest that (as many others have) I get a life? Ah, but now as Paul Harvey
would say, "Here's The Rest of The Story....." Between the time that I observed
the phenomena of a cat sitting on the sprinkler, and the time that I turned on the
water, I said to myself, "use your head, Mueller, tape it." I set up my Video
Camcorder on a tripod in the living room, aimed it through the window toward
the cat under observation here. Yep, got a great video of a cat flying. Yep, sent
it off immediately to "America's Funniest Home Videos". A month later I'm
awoken from deep slumber by a phone call. "We like your cat video, it has been
placed into the November 20th program. We have also determined that it's a
finalist. Are you available to fly out to Hollywood at our expense this weekend to
be on the show?" "Yea, well, I-guess-so-if-I hafta....zzzzzzzzzz" Later, when I
awoke fully, and reality hit, let's just say I was doing what the cat did all over
the house! As many of you saw, (along with 10 million people in the U.S. and
more in 75 countries around the world) I won the grand prize of 10 thousand
dollars, Bob Saget interviewed me, and referred to me on the program as "that
nice man with the beautiful speaking voice". Channel 9 news in Denver featured
me twice, showing off my cat clip as part of their fine news coverage.
According to my financial records, I made more money squirting a cat this last
year than I did from my other job. Which should be very interesting when I try to
explain this to my tax man in a few months! I've also decided that since 20
million people saw me earn this money, perhaps it would be wise to declare that
particular bit of extra income to the IRS.
Which brings me to my current situation. This thing ain't over yet. About every 6
to 9 episodes of the show, AFHV has their $100,000 show. They fly back the
last 7 or so $10,000 winners for the big, big, pot. Either during or shortly after
you read this, your Mensa chapter president will be flying back to Hollywood,
with high hopes of, oh, maybe early retirement? A coming year of riotous and
hedonistic living? Stand by, America!
(The following was written a few months later)
I found out that my face is worth about $1800 per second. Naturally, us
Mensans love to calculate unusual formulas, and how, you might ask, did I come
up with that?? A couple of months ago in this column I told my big "cat" story. In
February (1995), the program flew me back to Hollywood as one of seven
contestant families to try for the $100,000 prize. If you watched on February
19th, you probably noticed that......I......uh.....nah, I didn't win the big, big one! It
seems the audience was more in the mood toward voting for dog videos instead
of cat videos! (I knew this was going to turn into a cat and dog fight!) Last
November, Bob Saget did a complete interview with me on the program; This
time, the only time that you saw my face was during the drum roll before the
prize announcement, when you saw me with my mouth hanging open for one full
second. That's right, exactly 30 video frames. Yep, the program spent about
$1800 to fly me to Hollywood, put me up in an expensive hotel for 4 nights, just
so I could be on national television for one second looking like a dork! But at
least I now know what my face value is! Actually to be fair, if you looked during
the roll of the credits at the end of the program with a magnifying glass, you
would've seen me standing on stage with the other contestants playing volley
ball with the balloons. Despite the fact that I'm not quite as financially
independent as I thought I would be, and that the prospect of actually having to
work for a living looms over me, I did have a good time. The program gave the
contestants a tour of Hollywood. We had a catered lunch with the AFHV staff. I
had my picture taken with Bob Saget. And, I have received an engraved, glass
paperweight thing in the mail that verified that I almost won something! Before I
left the green room after the taping of the program, I said to everyone in golden
tones, "I shall return!" We shall see, won't we??
As anybody in Mensa knows, there is a thin line between genius and stupidity.
And believe you me, I've been a living example of that many times! Yes, it's
even possible to go from one to the other in a matter of minutes. Let's see how
this principle applied to myself recently. One Saturday, (the first of October, as
a matter of fact) I was standing in my livingroom in deep thought, or should I
say, in a trance state that one tends to go into when trying to decide what to do
next. I looked out of my South window. I see this fat, stray cat sitting there. On
my water sprinkler. (the sprinkler was this round, green plastic thing, I guess
with the sun out, it was warmer sitting on the sprinkler than the grass) Then my
questioning, Mensa-type mind went into action, and I thought, gosh, what would
happen if I turned on the water?? I did. Yes, it IS possible for a cat to fly, if it
really wants to! Would you call this an astute scientific observation? Would you
call this a sadistic act of a man who has too much time on his hands? Would
you suggest that (as many others have) I get a life? Ah, but now as Paul Harvey
would say, "Here's The Rest of The Story....." Between the time that I observed
the phenomena of a cat sitting on the sprinkler, and the time that I turned on the
water, I said to myself, "use your head, Mueller, tape it." I set up my Video
Camcorder on a tripod in the living room, aimed it through the window toward
the cat under observation here. Yep, got a great video of a cat flying. Yep, sent
it off immediately to "America's Funniest Home Videos". A month later I'm
awoken from deep slumber by a phone call. "We like your cat video, it has been
placed into the November 20th program. We have also determined that it's a
finalist. Are you available to fly out to Hollywood at our expense this weekend to
be on the show?" "Yea, well, I-guess-so-if-I hafta....zzzzzzzzzz" Later, when I
awoke fully, and reality hit, let's just say I was doing what the cat did all over
the house! As many of you saw, (along with 10 million people in the U.S. and
more in 75 countries around the world) I won the grand prize of 10 thousand
dollars, Bob Saget interviewed me, and referred to me on the program as "that
nice man with the beautiful speaking voice". Channel 9 news in Denver featured
me twice, showing off my cat clip as part of their fine news coverage.
According to my financial records, I made more money squirting a cat this last
year than I did from my other job. Which should be very interesting when I try to
explain this to my tax man in a few months! I've also decided that since 20
million people saw me earn this money, perhaps it would be wise to declare that
particular bit of extra income to the IRS.
Which brings me to my current situation. This thing ain't over yet. About every 6
to 9 episodes of the show, AFHV has their $100,000 show. They fly back the
last 7 or so $10,000 winners for the big, big, pot. Either during or shortly after
you read this, your Mensa chapter president will be flying back to Hollywood,
with high hopes of, oh, maybe early retirement? A coming year of riotous and
hedonistic living? Stand by, America!
(The following was written a few months later)
I found out that my face is worth about $1800 per second. Naturally, us
Mensans love to calculate unusual formulas, and how, you might ask, did I come
up with that?? A couple of months ago in this column I told my big "cat" story. In
February (1995), the program flew me back to Hollywood as one of seven
contestant families to try for the $100,000 prize. If you watched on February
19th, you probably noticed that......I......uh.....nah, I didn't win the big, big one! It
seems the audience was more in the mood toward voting for dog videos instead
of cat videos! (I knew this was going to turn into a cat and dog fight!) Last
November, Bob Saget did a complete interview with me on the program; This
time, the only time that you saw my face was during the drum roll before the
prize announcement, when you saw me with my mouth hanging open for one full
second. That's right, exactly 30 video frames. Yep, the program spent about
$1800 to fly me to Hollywood, put me up in an expensive hotel for 4 nights, just
so I could be on national television for one second looking like a dork! But at
least I now know what my face value is! Actually to be fair, if you looked during
the roll of the credits at the end of the program with a magnifying glass, you
would've seen me standing on stage with the other contestants playing volley
ball with the balloons. Despite the fact that I'm not quite as financially
independent as I thought I would be, and that the prospect of actually having to
work for a living looms over me, I did have a good time. The program gave the
contestants a tour of Hollywood. We had a catered lunch with the AFHV staff. I
had my picture taken with Bob Saget. And, I have received an engraved, glass
paperweight thing in the mail that verified that I almost won something! Before I
left the green room after the taping of the program, I said to everyone in golden
tones, "I shall return!" We shall see, won't we??
| THE FUR FLIES (How I won ten grand with a cat!) |
