| A LESSON IN COMEDY |
| I have a sideline job. I actually teach lessons to people on how to write stand-up comedy. I can write a funny routine on ANY subject or from just a simple line that has a "premise". A "joke" is a "puzzle" that's usually taken from some analogy. The biggest mistake that people seem to make is that they get to the step of making an analogy ("my girlfriend is so ugly she looks like a dog") which isn't funny in itself. But, make it into a "puzzle" ("My girlfriend is so ugly what when I took her to McDonalds, she ordered a Gainesburger....") and you've got a "joke". Now I don't intend to give you a whole comedy course on this page, but I'm just setting this up to make a point. A friend of mine sent me this "news" story: Very interesting "jokes". So, what do I think of them myself? I consider them as great set-up lines for a REAL joke -- see below, I decided to make some "additions" of my own to make it funnier -- 1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." (Now when I use the password, it "whistles while it works") 2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels." (But of course, that's another storey...) 3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works." (I had a clock once that took a day at a time. Then I found out it was actually a calendar ) 4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..." (their valet parking by Ronald McDonald is even worse...he expects a tip for his sesame seed buns) 5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess." (then we decided to light up the whole room by leaving it...) 6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards." (wait until you find out where I put the broccoli on my mother) 7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure." (Unfortunately, the Cure prevented it...) 8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife." (Now I'm having sex with my food) 9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails." (that's always been a problem since I started writing myself letters) 10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin." (He should've changed lovers sooner before it got serious) I rest my case, your honor.... |
| Nick Helm's password joke is Edinburgh Fringe funniest The up-and-coming funnyman was given the prize by digital TV channel Dave, whose panel put a selection of their favourites to a public vote. He won for the joke: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." Last year's winner, quick-fire joker Tim Vine, was beaten into second place by Helm. Helm said: "I knew my joke was the funniest joke of all the other jokes in 2011. "Thank you to Dave and all the people that voted for proving me right." Veteran entertainer Paul Daniels won the wooden spoon for the worst joke of the festival. He won the dubious honour for his gag: "I said to a fella 'Is there a B&Q in Henley?' He said 'No, there's an H, an E, an N an L and a Y'." The top 10 festival funnies were judged to be: 1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." 2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels." 3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works." 4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..." 5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess." 6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards." 7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure." 8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife." 9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails." 10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin." |
