Have you ever planned something in detail, only to have everything completely
derail itself? I see all hands up on that one! Have you ever planned something in
detail, then suddenly fate steps in, and actually re-arranges everything into a much
better progression than anything that you could've even deliberately thought of?
Yes, that's happened to me a number of times also. As a person who believes in a
divine power, I know who's actually orchestrating these things, but for the purposes
of this article, let's just call it lucky fate!
Case in point. October 1982. I met a beautiful woman at a dance group that I
belonged to at that time. I'll call her Ruth, especially since that's her real name
anyway! We both agreed that we'd like to get to know each other some more, so
we made a date. Usually, for a first date, I like to keep things simple. So I made
plans to take her out for a pizza at a nice, quiet restaurant, one that had the right
atmosphere so that I could talk to her. And, afterwards, I could perhaps show her
my massive record collection at home. Or video collection. Or magazine collection.
Or dustball collection. Whatever works, y'know? It was an hour before I was to
pick her up, and I had left myself plenty of time to carefully get ready in full sartorial
splendor. As I'm ironing my shirt, and humming "Tonight's the Night" to myself, the
phone rang.
It was KLZ, a radio station that I was working for as a newsman at the time. They
had just gotten the word that my press credentials for the Carousel Ball had just
cleared for that night, and it was up to me to decide what to do.
Now let me back up slightly and explain what this was all about. Oilman and
all-around rich guy Marvin Davis would have these Carousel Ball benefits every year
in Denver to raise money to fight children's diabetes. If you had an invitation, and a
few hundred or thousand dollars to spend for a meal, maybe you could go. Or, in
my case, if you were a professional newsperson with a press pass, maybe you
could go. This involved submitting an application a month ahead of time, so that the
FBI and secret service could make their various background checks. Why so much
security and trouble to do this? We're talkin' Hollywood stars and former presidents
here. We're talking about a situation that's equal to getting lost backstage at the
academy awards. Anything can happen!
Now things got urgent. I had to make some quick decisions fast. "Forget the pizza"
was my first decision. But what do I do with Ruth? Tell her to forget the date? Bring
her along and try to smuggle her in? Dump her? (no, bad idea. It would've made me
Ruthless) I called her and said, "Baby, we goin' to a big party that's gonna
knock your socks off, get dressed, I'll explain later". I grabbed my audio
equipment, grabbed my 35mm camera, and on the way down, I "collaborated" with
Ruth on how I was going to attempt to smuggle her into the affair, and discussed
alternative emergency itineraries! When we arrived, I showed the security guard at
the hotel area my ID and various press credentials, and we were ushered pass the
ropes into a holding area. I explained to the guard that Ruth was my
"photographer's assistant", which is a bit of a stretch since KLZ is a radio station
that doesn't use pictures on the air very often! It worked. We both got our badges
that we wore around our necks. We went to a party area, which consisted just of
the press and the Hollywood stars. For one hour before the actual event, we could
mingle with the stars, do interviews, take pictures, and just have one
Hollywood-of-a-time! So who did we mingle with??
Awesome. Cary Grant. Gregory Peck. Kenny Rogers. Merv Griffin. Eva Gabor.
Linda Evans. Eric Estrada. Brook Shields. Gerry Ford. Jamie Farr. Joan Collins.
Anne Jeffreys. (the photos that you see at the top of this page were some of the
many taken at that event by myself) I turned around. I saw an older women
standing in front of me with bright red hair and these large tinted glasses. I
surmised that her makeup looked rather strong for a woman her age before I
recognized her. I was face to face with Lucille Ball herself! Forgetting to even
introduce myself, I asked her a question about what it was like to be there. There
was a long pause. Lucy looked at me carefully with those big eyes, and then
proceeded to answer. Not only was I aghast at being in a situation such as that, so
was she. She laughed and told me, "a lot of people think we have parties like
this in Hollywood, but no, nothing like soirees like this!" I talked to her
husband, Gary Morton, and he gave me a great interview. Later, Gary was talking
with one of his old buddies in the corner, and I overheard them telling each other
some jokes that were a bit too ribald for air use! I mustered up my courage, and
decided to see if I could interview his buddy: Bob Hope. Bob gave me a warm
handshake, and said "Hi, how are ya". As it turned out, that was my entire
interview with Bob right there! But that's all right. I know he would've said more, but
there were no cue cards available at the time! Remember Gary Owens of
Laugh-In? Did you know that he talks that way all the time? He was very friendly
when I met him, and he introduced me to his wife, and told me how great is was to
be there, including the fact that his radio career started in Denver in 1957.
I said, "do you have parties like this in Hollywood?" He said proudly, "Yes we
do Don, but we have more DRUNKS at our parties". I knew my interview was
probably at an end when Gary said in his full radio modulation, "I beg your pardon
Don, but your cigarette lighter has ignited my nostril hairs. Do you mind if I
dunk my head into the carved ice bowl?" Later, I looked over to the other
corner, and saw a familiar legendary comedian light his cigar. No, not George.
Milton. Mr. Television himself. I was so surprised to see him, and before I had a
chance to think, I told him, "how nice to see you!!" Boy, did I get the Berle
treatment! I don't think I've ever enjoyed being insulted so much in my life! Mr.
"machine-gun of jokes" let me have it both barrels for a good 7 minutes.
"Mr. Berle, I work for KLZ radio, the oldest station in Colorado."
"Well, you're talkin' to the oldest comedian, so it doesn't make much
difference".
"What is your purpose for being here tonight?"
"What is my poipose for....that's the dumbest question I ev-vuh hoid, Don,
but I wanna tell ya....that laughter you hear in the background is Gary
Morton, Lucy's husband. He's the one who said, 'show business is my
wife'.....by the way, is the Orpheum theater still around? I was going to go
there to check my fan mail....I heard it was torn down?...Do you know? Are
you from here?"
"I was born in Denver."
"Funny, you born here, I died here."
I think I was used! But for first hand education in playing straight man, I couldn't
have had a better instructor! My friend Ruth wasn't doing badly herself. She had a
mother-to-mother talk with Brook Shield's mom about what it's like to raise a
daughter. Ruth saw Donald Sutherland just standing by the wall with nobody to talk
to, so she welcomed him to Denver and had a nice chat. But the highlight of her
night is when her idol, Gregory Peck walked into the room. She said, "Hi, Greg",
and he turned to her and said, "Oh, Hi, How are you?" Later, as he was being
interviewed by a TV station, the camera caught Ruth in the background-- a picture
that she still treasures!
I'll have to admit, that evening gave me an adrenaline rush that I could never get
from a pepperoni pizza. And yes, Ruth was quite impressed with the evening. I
pulled off a first date that was too awesome to even contemplate. So......did I get
lucky that night? I ain't tellin'. But I will say this: I can do the most incredible
impression of Gregory Peck that you've ever seen...
derail itself? I see all hands up on that one! Have you ever planned something in
detail, then suddenly fate steps in, and actually re-arranges everything into a much
better progression than anything that you could've even deliberately thought of?
Yes, that's happened to me a number of times also. As a person who believes in a
divine power, I know who's actually orchestrating these things, but for the purposes
of this article, let's just call it lucky fate!
Case in point. October 1982. I met a beautiful woman at a dance group that I
belonged to at that time. I'll call her Ruth, especially since that's her real name
anyway! We both agreed that we'd like to get to know each other some more, so
we made a date. Usually, for a first date, I like to keep things simple. So I made
plans to take her out for a pizza at a nice, quiet restaurant, one that had the right
atmosphere so that I could talk to her. And, afterwards, I could perhaps show her
my massive record collection at home. Or video collection. Or magazine collection.
Or dustball collection. Whatever works, y'know? It was an hour before I was to
pick her up, and I had left myself plenty of time to carefully get ready in full sartorial
splendor. As I'm ironing my shirt, and humming "Tonight's the Night" to myself, the
phone rang.
It was KLZ, a radio station that I was working for as a newsman at the time. They
had just gotten the word that my press credentials for the Carousel Ball had just
cleared for that night, and it was up to me to decide what to do.
Now let me back up slightly and explain what this was all about. Oilman and
all-around rich guy Marvin Davis would have these Carousel Ball benefits every year
in Denver to raise money to fight children's diabetes. If you had an invitation, and a
few hundred or thousand dollars to spend for a meal, maybe you could go. Or, in
my case, if you were a professional newsperson with a press pass, maybe you
could go. This involved submitting an application a month ahead of time, so that the
FBI and secret service could make their various background checks. Why so much
security and trouble to do this? We're talkin' Hollywood stars and former presidents
here. We're talking about a situation that's equal to getting lost backstage at the
academy awards. Anything can happen!
Now things got urgent. I had to make some quick decisions fast. "Forget the pizza"
was my first decision. But what do I do with Ruth? Tell her to forget the date? Bring
her along and try to smuggle her in? Dump her? (no, bad idea. It would've made me
Ruthless) I called her and said, "Baby, we goin' to a big party that's gonna
knock your socks off, get dressed, I'll explain later". I grabbed my audio
equipment, grabbed my 35mm camera, and on the way down, I "collaborated" with
Ruth on how I was going to attempt to smuggle her into the affair, and discussed
alternative emergency itineraries! When we arrived, I showed the security guard at
the hotel area my ID and various press credentials, and we were ushered pass the
ropes into a holding area. I explained to the guard that Ruth was my
"photographer's assistant", which is a bit of a stretch since KLZ is a radio station
that doesn't use pictures on the air very often! It worked. We both got our badges
that we wore around our necks. We went to a party area, which consisted just of
the press and the Hollywood stars. For one hour before the actual event, we could
mingle with the stars, do interviews, take pictures, and just have one
Hollywood-of-a-time! So who did we mingle with??
Awesome. Cary Grant. Gregory Peck. Kenny Rogers. Merv Griffin. Eva Gabor.
Linda Evans. Eric Estrada. Brook Shields. Gerry Ford. Jamie Farr. Joan Collins.
Anne Jeffreys. (the photos that you see at the top of this page were some of the
many taken at that event by myself) I turned around. I saw an older women
standing in front of me with bright red hair and these large tinted glasses. I
surmised that her makeup looked rather strong for a woman her age before I
recognized her. I was face to face with Lucille Ball herself! Forgetting to even
introduce myself, I asked her a question about what it was like to be there. There
was a long pause. Lucy looked at me carefully with those big eyes, and then
proceeded to answer. Not only was I aghast at being in a situation such as that, so
was she. She laughed and told me, "a lot of people think we have parties like
this in Hollywood, but no, nothing like soirees like this!" I talked to her
husband, Gary Morton, and he gave me a great interview. Later, Gary was talking
with one of his old buddies in the corner, and I overheard them telling each other
some jokes that were a bit too ribald for air use! I mustered up my courage, and
decided to see if I could interview his buddy: Bob Hope. Bob gave me a warm
handshake, and said "Hi, how are ya". As it turned out, that was my entire
interview with Bob right there! But that's all right. I know he would've said more, but
there were no cue cards available at the time! Remember Gary Owens of
Laugh-In? Did you know that he talks that way all the time? He was very friendly
when I met him, and he introduced me to his wife, and told me how great is was to
be there, including the fact that his radio career started in Denver in 1957.
I said, "do you have parties like this in Hollywood?" He said proudly, "Yes we
do Don, but we have more DRUNKS at our parties". I knew my interview was
probably at an end when Gary said in his full radio modulation, "I beg your pardon
Don, but your cigarette lighter has ignited my nostril hairs. Do you mind if I
dunk my head into the carved ice bowl?" Later, I looked over to the other
corner, and saw a familiar legendary comedian light his cigar. No, not George.
Milton. Mr. Television himself. I was so surprised to see him, and before I had a
chance to think, I told him, "how nice to see you!!" Boy, did I get the Berle
treatment! I don't think I've ever enjoyed being insulted so much in my life! Mr.
"machine-gun of jokes" let me have it both barrels for a good 7 minutes.
"Mr. Berle, I work for KLZ radio, the oldest station in Colorado."
"Well, you're talkin' to the oldest comedian, so it doesn't make much
difference".
"What is your purpose for being here tonight?"
"What is my poipose for....that's the dumbest question I ev-vuh hoid, Don,
but I wanna tell ya....that laughter you hear in the background is Gary
Morton, Lucy's husband. He's the one who said, 'show business is my
wife'.....by the way, is the Orpheum theater still around? I was going to go
there to check my fan mail....I heard it was torn down?...Do you know? Are
you from here?"
"I was born in Denver."
"Funny, you born here, I died here."
I think I was used! But for first hand education in playing straight man, I couldn't
have had a better instructor! My friend Ruth wasn't doing badly herself. She had a
mother-to-mother talk with Brook Shield's mom about what it's like to raise a
daughter. Ruth saw Donald Sutherland just standing by the wall with nobody to talk
to, so she welcomed him to Denver and had a nice chat. But the highlight of her
night is when her idol, Gregory Peck walked into the room. She said, "Hi, Greg",
and he turned to her and said, "Oh, Hi, How are you?" Later, as he was being
interviewed by a TV station, the camera caught Ruth in the background-- a picture
that she still treasures!
I'll have to admit, that evening gave me an adrenaline rush that I could never get
from a pepperoni pizza. And yes, Ruth was quite impressed with the evening. I
pulled off a first date that was too awesome to even contemplate. So......did I get
lucky that night? I ain't tellin'. But I will say this: I can do the most incredible
impression of Gregory Peck that you've ever seen...
| HOW TO REALLY IMPRESS A FIRST DATE |
HEAR THE GARY OWENS INTERVIEW
(start player at right)
(start player at right)
HEAR THE MILTON BERLE INTERVIEW
(start player at right)
(start player at right)
Click on a
picture at left to
see a photo
album of
pictures I took
from this
interesting night!
picture at left to
see a photo
album of
pictures I took
from this
interesting night!
