| MY ADVICE TO WOMEN |
| In my varied career, I used to teach some "flirt courses". (I'm great with academic theory) But, I do love to give advice -- I'm better giving it than taking it myself -- I also used to "man" some phone hotlines at college & at home where I'd give advice to people on the phone about whatever they were having a problem with. I enjoy counseling. Usually it consists of listening to people and asking questions. Laying out the facts of a situation solves half of the problem right there. I met a woman over the Internet. We never met in person, but we had quite an interesting exchange via email. I'll call her LuAnn, although that's not her real name. She lived in my city. And, as usual with a singles Internet dating service, we starting writing letters asking about each other. The picture she had posted looked like an average picture of a 40 year old woman with glasses. She was of average weight. I detected a little bit of shyness on her part. Then she said something that changed the course of our own history here: "Before we get any further, I think I should tell you something. I had a cancer growth removed from my face, and it's left me disfigured. I'm enclosing a recent picture." I looked at the picture. The whole half of her face was distorted -- any plans I had to meet up with her were, you might say, "cancelled" in my mind -- but hey, I'm a nice guy, I'll still write letters to her! From what I could see from her picture, the rest of her body was in normal shape. I wrote her back, and thanked her for her honesty. But I didn't shut her down, I just asked a few questions about how she was doing. Now I'm an analytical kinda guy who likes to give advice. But she asked me a shocker. "I'm very lonely. Every time I go out in public, guys shy away from me as soon as they see me. Nobody wants to talk to me. I'd really like to get a social life going. I'm getting very frustrated. What should I do?" Wow. I usually have flip answers to things, but this was going to be a challenge. Guys are very visual -- they make snap judgements when they see a woman -- that's the way guys are. What should I tell her? If I see anybody in public who is disfigured or really old or ugly, I'll automatically avert my eyes and perhaps re-arrange my choreography to get to my destination! No, it may not be "right", but, it's a male social instinctual behavior. Whatever. It's the real world. But she had a serious problem. And she asked me a serious question. And I'm going to give her an answer of some kind. I asked her if her insurance covered getting plastic surgery. Nope. And she didn't have money to get elective plastic surgery. So, I pondered over this. I let my subconscious mind work on this "problem". That's usually how I get various "inspirations", for what they're worth. Suddenly it came to me. I got to my keyboard late one night and wrote her a letter: "HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO. God created you, God doesn't make junk. You're beautiful person, and you're going to let the world know about it. Style your hair long to minimize attention to your face. Get a style that shows you have pride in yourself. Whenever you go out in public, even to a grocery store or bank or post office, DRESS UP AS THOUGH YOU'RE A MODEL ON HER WAY TO A JOB. That means a dress, high heels, something you'd perhaps wear to a wedding reception -- or at least something you'd wear as a "Mary Kay" representative! Whenever you walk into a building or situation, STAND STRAIGHT UP AND WALK IN THERE AS THOUGH YOU OWN THE PLACE. I want some ATTITUDE here. Walk in there as though YOU'RE HOT STUFF. BECAUSE YOU ARE!!! At any party, the secret of feeling comfortable is to concentrate on making other people feel comfortable. Forget yourself, think in terms of, "that guy looks kind of shy, I think I'll cheer him up!" Start up some small talk with the guys -- "I only came into this place for the air-conditioning". THE MORE FORGETTABLE YOUR STATEMENTS ARE, THE BETTER -- YOU'RE JUST TESTING THE WATERS. Since you "own" the place, ask them if they're getting good service around there. Do it as though you're gonna straighten things out if they're having problems! Out of every ten guys you talk to, expect nine passive responses, one active response. That active response -- you'll be amazed at how a guy will open up to you -- GET HIM TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF, YOU'LL HAVE A FRIEND FOR LIFE. If you ever get a snide comment about your looks, ignore that person, he couldn't POSSIBLY be talking about a gorgeous person like you! If you HAVE to respond, look him straight in the eye, put your hand on your hip, give a wiggle, and in your best Mae West voice, say, "Hey, ya don't know whatcher missin'!" You may need to "practice" this new attitude at home in front of a mirror -- if you do that on a regular basis, IT WILL BECOME A HABIT AND A REGULAR PART OF YOUR PERSONALITY. Remember -- you're good looking, you're bold, you're available, and if the guys around you play their cards right, they might have a chance at having YOU, this intelligent and gorgeous lady as a girlfriend! That's my advice. Let me know how it works." Four weeks went by. Then I got a letter from LuAnn: "DON, I JUST CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH! I DID EVERYTHING EXACTLY AS YOU SAID, AND I GOT SOME RELATIONSHIPS GOING!" Two weeks after that, I got another letter from LuAnn: "I'M ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED." I rest my case. |
| "HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO. God created you, God doesn't make junk. You're a beautiful person, and you're going to let the world know about it. Style your hair long to minimize attention to your face. Get a style that shows you have pride in yourself. Whenever you go out in public, even to a grocery store or bank or post office, DRESS UP AS THOUGH YOU'RE A MODEL ON HER WAY TO A JOB. That means a dress, high heels, something you'd perhaps wear to a wedding reception -- or at least something you'd wear as a "Mary Kay" representative! Whenever you walk into a building or situation, STAND UP STRAIGHT AND WALK IN THERE AS THOUGH YOU OWN THE PLACE. I want some ATTITUDE here. Walk in there as though YOU'RE HOT STUFF. BECAUSE YOU ARE!!! At any party or gathering, the secret of feeling comfortable is to concentrate on making other people feel comfortable. Forget yourself, think in terms of, "that guy looks kind of shy, I think I'll cheer him up!" Start up some small talk with the guys -- "I only came into this place for the air-conditioning". THE MORE FORGETTABLE YOUR STATEMENTS ARE, THE BETTER -- YOU'RE JUST TESTING THE WATERS. Since you "own" the place, ask them if they're getting good service around there. Do it as though you're gonna straighten things out if they're having problems! When you talk to a guy, don't do it like you're trying to make friends with him. Do it as though you've known him for 20 years, and you're just passing comment, cuz that's just the kinda person you are. Out of every ten guys you talk to, expect nine passive responses, one active response. That active response -- you'll be amazed at how a guy will open up to you -- GET HIM TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF, YOU'LL HAVE A FRIEND FOR LIFE. If you ever get a snide comment about your looks, ignore that person, he couldn't POSSIBLY be talking about a gorgeous person like you! If you HAVE to respond, look him straight in the eye, put your hand on your hip, give a wiggle, and in your best Mae West voice, say, "Hey, ya don't know whatcher missin'!" You'll need to "practice" this new attitude at home in front of a mirror -- if you do that on a regular basis, IT WILL BECOME A HABIT AND A REGULAR PART OF YOUR PERSONALITY. Remember -- you're good looking, you're bold, you're available, and if the guys around you play their cards right, they might have a chance at having YOU, this intelligent and gorgeous lady, as a girlfriend! That's my advice. Let me know how it works." |
